Consciousness. Integrity. Love.
I Never Would Have Searched So Intensely…
I can remember before I started on this spiritual path I thought that the only way to have a relationship with God was through the pastors of the church. I thought that you had to go through them to find out anything God wanted you to know. So I would show up at church to see if God had anything to tell me that Sunday. Sometimes I got something, most of the times I didn’t. It always felt so distant and not real.
For a long time I was wandering around with a blindfold on in the dark. I always felt like there was more, but no one could tell me what that something more was. I always had this lonely feeling inside and didn’t know how to explain it.
I can remember going through a very tough time with my boyfriend in 2007 and going to the pastor asking for help to get out of the pain I was feeling morning, noon, and night. She simply said to me…pray. To hear those words meant nothing to me because I didn’t know how to effectively pray. I felt like she really couldn’t help me in my situation. I say that because I was losing weight, sleep and my mind, and all she could say to me as the pain took over my life was ‘pray.’ She never sat me down to hear the whole story or to really allow me to express myself. I suppressed those feelings and was miserable for two years, until I found the Center.
My life has changed dramatically since I walked through the Center of Light doors and onto the path. I am learning the one thing that I never knew was possible…how to have a relationship with God. I’m also learning how to open up and allow my feelings to be heard and felt. I’ve learned more about myself in the last year than I have in the previous 35 years.
I can say the experience that brought me to the Center of Light was pure darkness. Yet that experience brought me to a school of consciousness and into a community full of love. At the time, I use to cry and ask God why me? Now I look back and say thank you, God, because I never would have searched so intensely for something to free me without that experience.
By Antonia, Student, New Haven
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