Many of my old friends ask how I got onto the spiritual path, no less became a minister.  I was the atheist and usually the one who got into arguments with Christians about how God was just in their imaginations. In college, I opened up to the possibility that God did exist, but I held a furious grudge and pit myself against God, trying to prove that I didn’t need anyone. I didn’t understand why life was so painful and why God would create us for a seemingly pointless life.

So that is usually what I tell the people who knew me prior to the path why I came. Honestly, I knew I had dug myself into a hole too big to get out of. My attempt to live life on my own – without using anything or anyone as a crutch – resulted in several years of depression going on and off anti-depressants for a number of years. Nobody really saw this from the outside. I got straight A’s and was athletic and I had a good group of friends, but I was really a mess inside. I couldn’t seem to make anything happen in my life (and I was supposed to be the one who was going to be “successful” out of all my friends). I started to have anxiety attacks and continued to push my problems away.

I reached a point where I realized if I kept going down that path that I wouldn’t be able to get out of the hole. That was pretty much hitting bottom. I knew I had to face everything that I had created and that it was going to be a tough time. I prayed for the first time in over ten years and asked for God’s help – six months later I walked into the Center of Light in Denver.

The love that I have gotten from my teachers dragged me out of that depression. Some healings were major miracles (waking up at 5:30am every day when I never got out of bed before 9am). Some healings were subtle, like being able to appreciate simple things like a funny joke or a clear sunny day without a heavy weight on top of them. Some teachings were hard, like learning about responsibility and disciplining my thoughts, emotions and body. Some teachings washed over all the hurts and pains and were soothing and gentle.

I’ve been on the spiritual path for three years. It has been an incredible journey and the best thing about it is that there is much, much more. My life now is filled with a steady peace and joy – it’s not a surface kind of giddiness – it’s deep. And what I’m most grateful for is the gift of service, that my Teachers, Jesus and Mary, healed me and taught me how to give by giving me everything and not holding back.

When I wake up now thankful for the day and ready to see what God has in store for me, I sometimes still feel a surprise that the heaviness of depression isn’t there. I love those moments because it reminds me of the first morning when I knew that things were going to be okay – I pray that others who are battling depression can experience the light again. It’s totally possible.

By Timothy, Deacon, Chicago